textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
