she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
