I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
