Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
