He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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