I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
