He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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