You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
