just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
