hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
