Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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