they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
