"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
