I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
either way he was missing a nipple.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
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It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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