i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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