I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I know her cup size but not her name....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
