i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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