You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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