guys are only as good as the porn they watch
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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