In America we eat man semen.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
