your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
