I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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