the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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