So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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