Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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