ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
