In America we eat man semen.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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