I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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