Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
