I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
