she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
