I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
