Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
