either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
