dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
