Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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