I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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