it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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