she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
