I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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