You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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