CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
