beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
