Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize