why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
