Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
