my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wish you could order shots online.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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