i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
