At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
