Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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