Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
