i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Randomize
