Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
