i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
