so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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