but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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