why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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