Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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