Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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