He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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