If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
