32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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