Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize