I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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