Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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