well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
