You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
