nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
