Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
