Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How does one acquire holy water?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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