So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
