I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
