How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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