Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We left an ass print on the piano.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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