Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
