he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
