I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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