Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
