i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
