let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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