I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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