He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
