Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
