I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think I won the penis lottery.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
